a weighty conversation, part two

Over Easter break, I went shopping with my mom, which is usually where I try on a bunch of stuff and she MIGHT get one thing for herself. This time, however, she was the one who brought more than 6 items to the Target dressing room, some of those items being swimwear. My mom, despite the fact that her nickname was "Slim," is very conservative when it comes to her swimsuits because she is a mom of two older children, and therefore doesn't think she can wear anything that would expose her midriff (although she totally could).

I decided to join her and picked out a cute pair of shorts, a swim top, and two pairs of bikini bottoms. My mom asked me to look at something she had tried on, so I went next door to her dressing room wearing the bikini top and bottoms. Upon seeing me, she said, "I don't think you look good in that." I retorted, "Why, because I'm too fat?" and she made a face with wide eyes and nodded solemnly.

I'm not gonna lie - that right there kinda broke my heart. I have never thought of myself as "too fat" for anything, although I will admit I do prefer a certain level of modesty and agree that some things look better on size 2s than on me. And it is important to note that she said I was the one who didn't look good, not the swimsuit, which made it so much worse.

I like to think I suffer from body dysmorphia in that I think of myself as thinner than I actually might be, which is opposite of how most body dysmorphia works. When I look in the mirror, I of course see things I don't like, but I also see myself as proportional. Nothing is too big or small or ugly. But when she said that, I began to question whether I was physically attractive at all. I asked my boyfriend and he of course rejected my mom's remark and said I wasn't fat at all.

So which is right - my perception of my body or my mom's? Should I be allowed to continue wearing bikinis, or will I be banished to one-piece purgatory because of her comment? It really comes down to two things: whether I care more about what my mom thinks or my own comfort level. I know she meant well, but it's comments like that that destroy girls' self-confidence, and it hurts more coming from the ones we love than from strangers.

Whenever I'm feeling discouraged about my body, I list things I like about myself: my hair, my freckles, my eyes, my ears, my nose, my mouth, my teeth, my boobs, my waistline, my back, my forearms, my hands, my fingers, my hips, my butt, my legs, my feet, my toes. There are more items on that list than there are on the list of things I don't like about myself. So why should my perceived level of physical attractiveness be determined by the small list of things I don't like about myself when there are so many more things I do like about myself? The only person who gets to decide how you feel about yourself is you.

Source: Equal Writes

So in an attempt to compromise with my well-meaning mother, I have been shopping for more modest two-pieces that enhance my favorite features rather than accentuate my least favorite. But one-pieces are gross and make my shoulders look manly so that's going to remain a no-go. The point of this is, if you feel comfortable wearing a bikini, wear one. And if you don't, don't. I feel fine in a bikini whereas my mother does not, and THATS OK. Don't let others define you, YOU define you. As Kevin Gnapoor says, "Don't let the haters stop you from doing your thang." And please, love your body. It's the only one you've got.

a weighty conversation, part one

Lately, the topic that has most interested me is the War on Weight. Women (and some men) today are struggling with everything from fat shaming to thin shaming to thigh gaps to fitting into clothing and even more. Everyone has issues with their body, and don't let anyone ever tell you they don't, because it would be a lie. "My boobs aren't big enough," "I hate my arms," "I have so much cellulite on my thighs and butt," and "I wish I were more toned" are things even thin people say to themselves when they look in the mirror. We are all at war with our bodies.

Personally, I go from being fine with my body to hating it from day to day. Shopping is frustrating because my boobs and waist are too big to fit into some clothes, such as bralettes and dresses. I hate looking at pictures of myself after they're taken because I never know whether my arm or my face will look fat or fine. I feel like I can't wear a bikini because of my pancha. I'm having to buy new jeans because my favorite pair has holes in the thighs from mine rubbing together when I walk. My grandma said that my dad shouldn't be so hard on me about my weight because I have his frame and broad shoulders, and my dad actually apologized for my being "built just like him." I'm sure a lot of you are able to relate to some of the things I've said, which is why I don't mind sharing them with you.

My best guy friend (with whom I share just about everything) will attest to the fact that I complain about my body to him way too often. He's a good sport for listening and encouraging me, but I know he gets frustrated with it sometimes. Many times, we feel a pressure from our loved ones to lose weight or fix the things about ourselves we dislike, but they only do it because they know that deep down that is a concern of ours and they want to help us achieve our personal goals. If we're not happy, they want to encourage us to be happy. And if that happiness can be more closely achieved by losing weight, then that's what they want for us.

We also, of course, feel a pressure from clothing companies (which tend to feel more personal to us than celebrities in the media) to be a certain size, weight, or build. Companies like Target and Hollister have recently come under attack for too heavily promoting the thigh gap. Abercrombie's CEO has been blamed for being personally responsible for the company's decline in sales for saying that not everyone was meant to wear A&F clothing. Plus size models are starting at size 6 when plus size itself begins at size 14.

The Target faux-thigh gap

Meanwhile, other clothing companies are trying to combat this by showing that are more representative of everyday women. H&M has been using bigger models to promote their swimsuit line, and Aerie is using models of different bra sizes to model bras and not retouching them. They see there's a problem and they are trying to change the way girls think about themselves as well as society's pressures for all girls to be a certain size. But they certainly can't do it alone.

H&M model Jennie Runk

Un-retouched Aerie model for DD cup size

Even more so, we feel pressure to look like people we know. Our Facebook acquaintances are our biggest enemies when it comes to putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves to look a certain way. They are practically strangers, so we don't feel any emotional connection to them, and then when they post pictures of themselves at the beach, we see them and compare ourselves to them and the other people in the pictures with them. With friends, we feel a little different because they are people we care about and want to succeed, but jealously can still arise. It's just a lot easier to not judge someone when you're both eating pizza and drinking wine and watching Frozen together. But Facebook can be a poisonous place for insecurities to root and grow.

So how do we fight the War on Weight? The first and most important thing we need to do is to make peace with our bodies. Fall in love with your frame. Be at peace with your booty. Forgive your stretch marks. Cherish that little roll of fat between your boobs and stomach. Whatever it is, be ok with it. This doesn't mean that this is an excuse to let yourself go or to be satisfied with the body you're in, but to instead forgive your body for how it is. You should be able to look in the mirror and not hate yourself, because hating yourself is more unhealthy than eating junk food everyday.

Next, we should cut out the weeds of negativity about our appearances from our lives. Do you have that one Facebook friend that makes you see green because she is constantly posting bikini pics? Cut her out of her life - she's not good for you. How about a friend from high school who works out to the point of obsession? Delete him - he's not helping you. I'm not saying you should delete actual FRIENDS. But people who don't know you don't care about you, so they're just excess weight that will burden you.

We should be encouraging each other to be the best we can be in all aspects of life. If you and your friend both want to lose weight, work out together. Keep each other accountable. Cook together instead of going out to eat. Go shopping when y'all both lose x-number of inches. Share your victories and frustrations alike. THESE are the people you need to keep around because they will support you. They will be there for you through your successes and discouragements.

And finally, we need to stop comparing ourselves to models. They are photoshopped, we know, but more importantly, they have flaws that they camera can't see. They are insecure about something, too. They need support, too! Thin shaming is just as bad as fat shaming. We need to all be OK with how we were made and work to be healthy, not just necessarily thinner or fatter. That means loving ourselves and taking care of our bodies and minds because of it.

The War on Weight will be a long-fought battle, but every little thing helps. If we just stop comparing ourselves to others and start loving ourselves more, a big step will be taken towards ending it. And if clothing companies continue on the uphill trajectory they're currently on, before long, we may all learn to be less insecure and more satisfied with just being ourselves.

One final thought - my roommate and I were discussing this post, and she said she found a picture that showed me what she considered to be the "perfect body," the body she herself wanted. The picture was this one of an MMA fighter - strong, muscular, ripped. And then I described my "perfect body" to her - soft, hourglass figure, flat stomach. Our ideas of the perfect body are so different, because there is no such thing as the perfect body. We are all have different perceptions of what perfection and beauty are, but when it comes down to it, we are all beautiful creatures. And the sooner we realize that and embrace it, the happier we will be.

My roommate's "perfect body" - Rosanna Garcia

My "perfect body" - Beyonce Knowles 

black diamond ball

First, congratulations to Erin Raymond on winning the GoGreek app! I'll be emailing you with details. :)

I know it's still a little ways away, but since the Social Chair is mentioning every chance she gets, I figure it's OK to go ahead and post about it. For those of you who are not ADPi's, we have this tradition called Black Diamond Ball, which is a fancy name for something you all know and cherish:

FORMAL.

What differentiates Black Diamond Ball (hereforth to be abbreviated BDB) from regular formal, however, is the dress code. At BDB, you can only wear black or white. NO color whatsoever. Now, I don't know about you, but I love color, so this is going to be a little hard for me. Shoes have to be black, white, nude, or metallic, and jewelry can't be colorful, either (think silver, gold, black, and white). I'm feeling a little...restricted, honestly. If you're feeling the same, not to worry - I have some great ideas for how to add color to the otherwise grayscale BDB.

First things first, though: Here are some pretty dresses that are black or white that are BDB-appropriate.

Black

Dillards - $53.40 (Sale!)

Macys - $194.99 (Sale!)

Macys - $69.99 (Sale!)

David's Bridal - $69.50 (Sale!)

White

JCPenney - $59.99 (Sale!)

Dillards - $69

David's Bridal - $129

Windsor - $119.90

Both! (Yes, both is allowed!)

ModCloth - $97.99

Macys - $209

Dillards - $77.40 (Sale!)

David's Bridal - $149

Some great sites to find even more BDB dresses are Macys, Dillards, JCPenney, Windsor, and David's Bridal. Or, if you're feeling fancy, you can rent a dress from Rent the Runway. I'm actually wearing the dress I wore to formal freshman year, which I found at White House Black Market.

Now for accessories. I suggest first picking what shoes you're going to wear - black, white, nude, or metallic. This will determine which jewelry will look best. Here are some good pairings for reference:

Black dress - black shoes - gold jewelry

Black dress - black shoes - silver jewelry

Black dress - black shoes - rose gold jewelry

Black dress - black shoes - pearls (with silver or gold metal)

Black dress - black shoes - rhinestones

Black dress - nude shoes - pearls

Black dress - silver shoes - silver jewelry

Black dress - silver shoes - rhinestones

White dress - white shoes - gold jewelry

White dress - white shoes - rose gold jewelry

White dress - nude shoes - pearls

White dress - silver shoes - silver jewelry

White dress - silver shoes - rhinestones

White dress - gold shoes - gold jewelry

Black and white dress - black shoes - silver jewelry

Black and white dress - black shoes - rhinestones

Black and white dress - silver shoes - silver jewelry

Black and white dress - silver shoes - rhinestones

As you can see, a black dress with black shoes has the most versatility. It's kind of hard to find gold shoes so I didn't include it except for white. Also, pay attention to the detailing on your dress - silver detailing equals silver jewelry, for example. I personally wouldn't put black shoes with a white dress and vice versa, but that's up to you. It might even be fun to find black and white shoes!

Now for the fun part - makeup! THIS is how you're going to be able to add color to the otherwise black and white ensemble. Here are some fun, colorful makeup ideas to try:

Personally, I'm a HUGE fan of the bold lip. I love subtle/neutral eyes paired with bright lipstick. Be careful not to overdo it by doing a super colorful eye with a bold lip, as it will make you look clownish. If you're having trouble, feel free to ask a makeup consultant at MAC or Ulta what they think (or you could just ask me...ya know...)

I hope this gives all of you ADPi's a better idea of what you're going to wear to Black Diamond Ball. And if you're not an ADPi, maybe you got a good dress or makeup idea out of this. If you have any questions or need help finding a dress/picking out accessories/doing your makeup, let me know!

And if in doubt, you could always take a bedsheet and a couple of belts and pull a Jennifer Lawrence a la the Golden Globes.

Just kidding, I love JLaw.

the secret to great skin

There is no such thing as perfect skin. Faces are either oily or dry, wrinkly or acne-prone, sensitive or resilient, or a combination of these. Those people who are "normal" skin are dadgum liars. "Normal" skin doesn't exist without help. This is my philosophy on life.

I have a lot of friends with oily skin. I don't know why this is, but it is. I cannot relate to them on this level because I have dry skin. My skin flakes like no other when left to its own devices. Therefore, I obviously have no choice but to moisturize it. That's a given.

But here's the reason my oily-faced friends are having so many problems: their glands are producing excess oil because they have nothing to tell them, "Stop, that's enough." They wash their faces to try and strip the oil away but it keeps producing more and more because it thinks it needs to. So what will trick the glands into not producing so much? Simple. It's the one thing they think they don't need to do - MOISTURIZE.

This seems counterintuitive, I know. "Why put more oil on your face if you have oily skin?" Well, you're not putting on more oil, per say. You're hydrating your face so your glands don't think they have to do it themselves. Therefore, they produce less oil, and you're left with "normal" skin. And the main ingredient in most moisturizers is glycerin, which is essentially water. So it really isn't adding oil to your face.*

*Note: One thing I've seen in magazines lately is putting argan oil on your face. Argan oil is wonderful for face and hair, and if you'd rather try that, I say go for it. I'm mostly referring to standard drugstore moisturizers. Other oils to try are almond, jojoba, coconut, and olive. 

I actually have a friend who had this problem. His face was SO greasy and acne-prone. Then I made him buy a moisturizer. Now, his skin is significantly clearer and is soft without being oily. I'm telling you, this is the key to great skin. And they literally make a moisturizer for every skin type. 

If you haven't been moisturizing your face, 1. shame on you, and 2. you need to. It'll make all the difference, no matter what ailment your skin suffers from. 

Here are a few of my favorite moisturizers for you to try:

Philosophy Hope in a Jar - All skin types

Garnier Moisture Rescue - Dry skin

Cetaphil Dermacontrol Oil Control - Oily Skin

Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture - Combination skin

Clean and Clear Advantage - Acne-prone skin

Simple Protecting Light - Sensitive skin

Bonus: Embryolisse Lait-Creme Concentre - Dry skin (my favorite ever)

And for the dudes...

Dove Men+Care Hydrate+Face Lotion

Now you have no excuse but to start moisturizing right...now. Seriously. Do it. Your face will thank you!

what to wear to a mixer

Mixers might be the scariest thing a sorority girl does. You show up to a place and are tasked with meeting new guys, hopefully befriending one or two of them, in order to secure dates for all other date functions. Eek. I don't know about y'all, but I'm pretty terrible at meeting guys, so I feel like there's a lot of pressure to be impressive. But I have to remind myself that impressing guys really isn't that hard. Because the point of the mixer is to meet guys, it's important to look cute and put your best foot forward. Here are my tips for looking your best to give yourself the most confidence.

Clothes

There's a saying that I firmly believe: "Girls dress for other girls." When we get up in the morning, we usually don't say to ourselves, "Hmmm, will guys notice me in this?" We usually think, "Will other girls think this is a cute outfit? Will I possibly get compliments on this?" It's sad but true, and we usually do it subconsciously. Now that you're thinking about this, it's important to change your mindset and think instead, "Will a guy think I'm attractive in this?"

Now, this doesn't mean you need to show a ton of skin and wear heavy makeup. Surveys indicate that most guys find white v-neck shirts, skinny jeans, and heels are the most attractive outfit a girl can wear. That being said, don't all go out and wear the same outfit. But be mindful that guys are simple creatures with simple tastes. Wear a shirt that is comfortable but not baggy, if you know what I mean, skinny jeans, and shoes with heels (boots, pumps, or wedges work).

My favorite outfit, courtesy of Pinterest

Accessories

Keep jewelry simple. I know statement jewelry is really popular right now, but it can be a little distracting. Stick with a pretty pair of earrings, a small necklace, a delicate bracelet, etc. Simple and pretty is the key.

Gold Date Night Jewelry by girlmeetspearls featuring a snake ring

Silver Date Night Jewelry by girlmeetspearls featuring tear drop earrings

Hair

For hair, guys like long, shiny, curled tresses. If your hair is long, bust out your curling irons and wands and get some pretty curls going. Be sure to use protectant so that you don't end up frying your ends. But if your hair is short, like mine, never fear! Guys love hair that looks soft and touchable, so try a deep conditioner and some smoothing serum to get hair extra soft and shiny. For both long and short hair, you can't go wrong with volume, softness, and shine!

Makeup

As for makeup, guys like it "natural, like Kim Kardashian." Translation: go for natural colors while still making it obvious you're wearing makeup. Flawless-looking skin, a pretty, glowy flush, and a subtle smoky eye in neutral colors are going to be the best to achieve this (so bust out your Naked palettes, ladies). For the lips, go with a "there but not there" shade of lipstick or some gloss and you're set.

Nails

Now here's a bonus: For some strange reason, guys prefer "french dipped" nails (aka, french manicure) over colors. There are varying theorries for this, some of which aren't very appropriate, but that seems to be the consensus. Like I said before, guys are simple creatures with simple tastes. They pretty much like "enhanced naturality," hence why they like natural makeup, french nails, and skinny jeans - they enhance what is natural about you. 

French meets ombre

Confidence

This might be the most important thing, because no matter what you wear, if you don't have confidence, you're going to be lacking. One of the things I like to do to have confidence is to wear cute/sexy underwear. No guys is going to see it, but I know it's there, and that makes me feel 100x more confident. Wear your favorite, well-fitting pushup bra and your sexiest undies (whether it be a thong or boyshorts) in order to feel as sexy as you want to look.

Annie said, "You're never fullly dressed without a smile," and it's so true. Before you leave or in the car on the way, listen to your favorite happy songs. Sing along loudly or dance around like no one is watching in order to boost endorphins and your mood. Also, don't forget to brush your teeth before you leave to ensure a bright smile free of plaque. 

This is a special message for you taken ladies: you have a boyfriend. Some of your sisters do not. It is your job to play wing woman at this thing. Like I said before, mixers are there to help your single sisters find dates. You already have a date for every single event, so you need to be there for your sisters. If she's nervous about talking to a cute guy, go up with her and help her start a conversation with him. If you see a sister standing alone, talk to her and maybe help her find someone new to meet. You have an important job! And YOU have the most confidence because you already have a boyfriend - lucky you. So be sure to help your sisters have confidence, too. 

I know that mixers seem intimidating. But when it comes down to it, the only pressure that exists is the pressure you put on yourself. So look cute, take a deep breath, put a smile on, and have fun! Because THAT'S really the point. And if a guy sees you're having fun, he'll want to have fun with you. Mission acccomplished. ;)

Do you have any tips for what to wear/how to be confident for a mixer? Leave a comment!

beauty breakdown - Sephora's Super Stars gift set

This is a post I started a looooooooong time ago. but I love it so much that I decided to edit it and resurrect it. For my birthday (in October), I got this gift set for my birthday AFTER writing this post. This is what convinced me to even ask for it. Because of this, I'll also give a short review of each product.

So one of my favorite bloggers, Robin at Brightest Bulb in the Box, loves picking apart palettes and gift sets and comparing them to their full-sized counterparts to see if they're really worth it. I decided to steal this idea and use it to analyze Sephora's Super Stars gift set. There are a lot of great things in this set, but the question is: is it really worth the $75 my parents paid for it?

In order to analyze it, I first looked up all the products' full sizes and the price of them. The good news about this set is that many of the products are full-sized, so it makes my quest easier as well as come out to be a good value. I found based on a full size of the product the cost per ounce, and then calculated the price of the sample based on that. Simple enough? It should be - I can't math, and I was able to do this pretty easily.

I also put the ratings next to the products in order to see how good of quality these products are, as reviewed by actual buyers.

- 0.085 oz Anastasia Clear Brow Gel 

Reg. .28 oz - $22

New price: $6.68

Review: This is my first brow gel, and it was a good first brow gel to use. However, it's a brow gel, and most brow gels are created equal, so I probably won't bother buying this product myself.

- 1.7 oz Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray

Small - $15

Review: This didn't really do much for me. It kind of gave my hair a wave, but it wasn't anything extraordinary.

- 0.50 oz Deborah Lippmann Treatment-infused Nail Color in Cleopatra in New York

Full - $19

Review: I love this polish! It's a little hard putting on because the black is sheer and the gold has to be rearranged so it doesn't clump in one spot, but with some TLC, it looks really great. My roommate actually used this before I did and she loved it too.

- 0.50 oz Josie Maran 100% Pure Argan Oil 

Small - $15

Review: Funny story...I actually put this in my hair before I figured out it's supposed to be for your face. Have you seen those "What kind of nut puts oil on her face? This nut!" ads in magazines lately? It's this stuff. I suggest putting it on OVER makeup for a nice dewy glow.

- 0.17 oz Nars Blush & Bronzing Powder Duo in Orgasm & Laguna 

Mini - $24

Review: Soooooooo I only use the blush in this. The problem with the duo is that the squares are too small! I can't get my bronzer brush in this well. And I love Orgasm, so I'll definitely be getting it by itself eventually.

- 0.12 oz Nars Lipstick in Dolce Vita 

Full - $26

Review: This is the perfect natural looking color. I could totally wear this to class and not wonder if people are staring. It looks amazing with my skin tone and is very classy.

- 0.50 oz Origins GinZing™ Refreshing Eye Cream to Brighten and Depuff 

Full - $30

Review: I don't usually have bags under my eyes that need depuffing, but it's very refreshing to put it on my weary eyes after a long day. 

- 1.0 oz Smashbox Camera Ready BB Cream Broad Spectrum SPF 35 in Light 

Full - $39

Review: I. Love. This. BB Cream. I've tried a bunch, but this is by far my favorite. It blends really well and is a good color for my face. LOVE.

- 0.016 oz Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner 

Full - $20

Review: This is a great liquid eyeliner pen. It's easy to apply without ending up with panda eyes. I even got my mom hooked on it!

- 0.30 oz Too Faced Better Than False Lashes Mascara Base & Top Coat 

- 0.02 oz Too Faced Flexistretch™ Nylon Fibers 

Full - $35 (set of both)

Review: Ok, so the reviews on Sephora are correct - this stuff is weird. The nylon fibers are kind of like putting cotton on your eyelashes. And the mascara is super tacky after you apply it. Good at making your lashes long, though.

- 0.05 Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Sin & Mushroom 

Reg. .05 oz per 1 eyeshadow ($18)

New price: $18

Review: I'm in love with Naked palettes, which Sin is in, and it looks really good with Mushroom. It's a good combo for an on-the-go smoky eye. But it's not Naked, so...

- 0.33 oz Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb Rollerball

Rollerball - $29

Review: This perfume smells amazing. It's sexy without being too musky, and my best guy friend has told me it smells great. It's also nice that it's in a rollerball for convenient travel and storage.

Total: $276.68 ($280 value)

So my calculations are correct - the set really is worth that much, price wise. As far as quality of the products, most of the products got really high ratings from buyers. The two lowest were the Surf Spray and the mascara. After looking at low reviews, I concluded that most people didn't like the spray because it simply didn't work for their hair's texture (also, sticky, smells bad, crunchy hair), and the biggest complaints for the mascara set were that the Flexistretch primer "feels like putting cotton on your lashes" (also, glue), and the mascara itself was sticky and made lashes clump. I found similar things myself in these two. 

Otherwise, I like all the other products. It was a really great birthday gift, and, unfortunately, I'm now addicted to some of the products.This is unfortunate because I'm a broke college student. Maybe I should start wearing a sign that says, "Need change for makeup fund."

What do y'all think of this gift set? Think it's worth it?